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Confessions of an Anxious Christian During Coronavirus

How I faced my fears and took them to God.

Now that I have your attention, please allow me to reassure you this will not be a lengthy confessional or days long diary (God spare us because who cares?).

Anyone who knows me has seen my faith and inner strength. God has turned my determined, independent personality into robust, God-infused strength borne of dependence on Him. I’m a woman of faith and a woman of the Word. I know whose I am and where my true power originates: in Christ alone. 

That said, I’m an anxious person. Not a good thing to declare, but it’s hardly a secret. I work diligently to keep it subdued. I do so by maintaining the spiritual disciplines of prayer, worship, time spent in God’s Word and interaction with fellow believers.

woman shopping grocery store

Photo by Anna Shvets from Pexels

Yet, as I posted recently on Facebook, I dreaded making my weekly trip to the grocery store to replenish our food supply. Fear hit me Friday morning and I couldn’t shake it. I released some negative words to Bill on an unrelated subject (not angry, just negative). I did what I knew to do to get my thoughts focused before I left the house. I spoke some scripture aloud over myself, then Bill and I took communion together. 

I had peace as I shopped. 

Later that day, I asked Jesus why I was so afraid. 

These thoughts surfaced: I didn’t want to get sick. I read details of what a Vero Beach, FL. woman experienced and it sounded awful. Quite painful. While totally confident that if I became ill, I wouldn’t die, I dread not having the strength to write, read, pray, cook or do chores.  

I want to be used by God, therefore I must carry His anointing, His peace and be full of the living Word. Fear and faith cannot coexist so I had to find the root of this fear and kill it. 

Quiet Time Insights

Psalm 20 strengthOver morning coffee, I opened my Bible to Psalm 20. “May the Lord answer you in the day of trouble.” Yes, that fit. 

“May the name of God defend you.” Yes, Lord, you are truly my defender from all diseases. 

“May He send you help from the sanctuary.” Oh yes, I needed heavenly help, today! 

Then I began meditating on strength. Physical strength and inner strength/fortitude. I recalled my sister posting about Psalm 18:29 – how in God’s strength we can leap over a wall, so I read that verse. Then I read about God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect. How He makes my feet like deer feet (stable in my everyday walk) and sets me on high places. Then I read that He “teaches my hands to make war” and was reminded how He instructed me in various methods of prayer to take ground for His Kingdom. 

I began actually feeling stronger.

But I had not addressed my fears with Jesus. So I did. I told Him I didn’t want to get sick. Told Him I was afraid of running out of food, not due to lack of money, rather because the government would not allow us to go outside. 

Immediately, He reminded me that it would never go that far. Read the list of places you’re allowed to visit. Okay, I will. 

As I spoke to God, I confessed that I was trusting more in my elderberry syrup, food, and vitamins than Him. While I believe in prevention and taking personal responsibility, I want to truly walk by faith. I want His Word to be my solid foundation. 

Praying for Others

I continued my quiet time with prayers for others. As I prayed scripture, the amazing thing that happens EVERY time I pray, occurred. It’s the transaction that has modified my behavior so dramatically that it keeps me returning to the secret place. His Presence came. Nothing visible, yet tangible. With each verse I declared for someone, I felt inner confidence growing and fear dissipating. 

By the time I finished, I was changed. No doubt. No fear or worry. God had me and I was secure in His granite safe house. I felt peaceful, safe and strong. It’s supernatural! 

The king rejoices in your strength, Lord.
    How great is his joy in the victories you give!

You have granted him his heart’s desire
    and have not withheld the request of his lips.
You came to greet him with rich blessings
    and placed a crown of pure gold on his head.
He asked you for life, and you gave it to him—
    length of days, forever and ever.
Through the victories you gave, his glory is great;
    you have bestowed on him splendor and majesty.
Surely you have granted him unending blessings
    and made him glad with the joy of your presence.
For the king trusts in the Lord;
    through the unfailing love of the Most High,
    he will not be shaken.

Your hand will lay hold on all your enemies;
    your right hand will seize your foes.
When you appear for battle,
    you will burn them up as in a blazing furnace.
The Lord will swallow them up in his wrath,
    and his fire will consume them.
13 Be exalted in your strength, Lord;

we will sing and praise your might.  Psalm 21 NIV

Gotta Do it Daily

This is a daily activity, brethren. I know you’ve heard it repeatedly, but let me say it again: we get enough manna to last one day.

God made it a one day supply to ensure our reliance on His provision. He daily loads us with benefits (Psalm 68:19). 

Daily bread. Daily strength. 

Skip that quiet time and we weaken, little by little. 

How has your quiet time been these last few weeks of staying home? 

Categories: Bad attitudes Devotionals encouragement Faith fear God's Word Intimacy with God Peace Prayer Spiritual Discipline The Secret Place

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Kathryne

Christian author and inspirational speaker of truth that makes the darkness tremble. Author of two non-fiction books.

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